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Coaching is not giving advice, it’s helping others solve their own problems.

7 Questions To Coach:

  • Open: What’s on your mind?
  • Expand: What Else?
  • Focus Problem: What’s the real challenge here for you?
  • Focus Need: What do you want?
    • Do not ask why, it makes people defensive - you’re question their ability by asking why.
    • Want vs Need
  • Focus Request: How can I help?
  • Focus Trade off: If you say yes to this, what will you have to say no to?
    • Omission - automatic no
    • Commission - what you must deliberately give up to make it happen (relationships/projects/)
  • Close the loop: What was most useful for you in this conversation?

Depth of coaching - Performance vs Development (P vs PC)

  • P: Project - Immediate task
  • P: People - Relationship
  • PC: Pattern - Help person get better.

Coaching Strategy

  • What does success mean?
  • What is our scope (who/where)
  • What will be our differentiator/moat here?
  • What capabilities/assets will need to achieve this?
  • How do we measure success and provide feedback?

Keeping people safe:


  • Tribe: Tribe, ‘us’ vs ‘them’ - be us.
  • Certainty People dislike ambiguity/uncertainty.
  • Rank Do I move up or down the social ladder
  • Autonomy I have control

Soften How Can I help.

  • Out of curiosity
  • Just so I know
  • To help my understand better
  • To make sure I’m clear

SCARF Model: Fairness People will injure themselves to ensure fairness.

Handling: How would you handle this:

Great question, I have some ideas, but first, how would you tackle this? What else?

Saying No: Say Yes Slowly:

  • Why are you asking me?
  • Whom else have you asked?
  • What you say urgent what do you mean?
  • What does done mean?
  • If I could only do one part, what part would you have me do?
  • What do you recommend I take off my plate to get this done?want done?

If you still have to say no Make sure you’re saying no to task, no to person. Just writing it down will help.