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Sleight of mind is about how to cause cognative reframes.

1: Language -> Experiances

Words matter - as simple as ‘and’, ‘but’ or ‘even though’

A and B stresses B. If A is the positive use the even though pattern.

  • A and B: It’s sunny today AND raining tommorrow
    • Equal weight A and B
  • A but B: It’s sunny today BUT raining tommorrow
    • B is empasized.
  • A even though B: It’s sunny today even though it’s raining tommorrow.
    • A is empasized.

Chapter 2: Frames -> Reframes

Frame is how we experiance the world. Think about picture frames, it bounds how you percieve (and thus experiance and react to reality)

Outcome frame instead of Problem frame:

Not I have a problem, but I want this outcome. Outcome from more powerful and action oriented that is.

  • Outcome frame
    • What do I want?
    • How do I get it?
    • What resources are available?
  • Problem Frame:
    • What is wrong?
    • Why is that a problem?
    • What caused it?
    • Whose fault is it?

Change frame size

Changing the size of your persepctive. Will it be a problem in a week, month, year?

Context Reframing

Think of a different context when something will be helpful? Having someone who’s very anal retentive, is super helpful when you need everything arranged in its place.

Content Reframing

Instead of looking at someone’s behaviors, look at thier positive intent. The underlying intent is usually good, it’s the behavioral manifistation that’s tricky.

Reframe Critics and Criticism

Three types of roles - critics, dreamers, realists. Critics normally assert statements as generalized judgment - this won’t work. The challenge here is that puts the listener into a polarized position - either answering yes or no.

Notie the intent is good, the intent is to evaluate and help the dreamer and realist.

Positive Statements of Positive intentions

Criticism often said in the negative form “avoiding stress” instead of “feeling relaxed and comfortable”. Switch from saying what you don’t want, to what you do want.

To say this properly do the following exercise:

If I don’t want X, what is it I do want? Say that instead.

It is…. -> I want to make sure … Too expensive -> It to be affordable. Fear of failure -> Desire to succeed Unrealistic -> Concreate and acheivable. Too much effort -> Easy and achievable

Next, change criticism to How will you .. It is too expensive -> How will you ensure it’s affordable?

Helping critics become advisors.

Ask 3 questions, especially when you’re the critic:

1) What is your criticism or objection? 2) What do you want to achieve via your criticisim (the thing that’s desired, not the thing that’s bad). 3) What “How question” can be asked about how it will be achieved.

Notice how questions shift the critic from a “spoiler” into an advisor.

ProTip, before going into what needs to be achieved, call out the things that are good.

Pattern: Intention and Redefining

Problem -> Outcome Failure -> Feedback Critics -> Advisors

Fundamental Reframes: Intention: Direct attention to persons intent (desired outcome) __Redefining:__Change words that are similar, but slighty different, usually more positive.

When we convert the problem to the intention - we get back to the outcome frame and open a conversation.

Customer says: I’m afraid that’s too expensive. Sales Guy Thinks: Need to understand the intention, take a few stabs at it Sales Guy: Is it you think the item is overpriced, or are you concerned you can’t afford it?

Subtle meaning differences: Overpriced -> Unable to afford -> Expensive For Value

How much pain are you in vs. How much discomfort do you feel?

One word reframes:

Take a word/statement and make it more positive and more negative.

Statements: It doesn’t piss me off ; I’m ok with it ; I’m accepting it I made a mistake; you twisted my words; he’s a damn liar.

Words: Responsible, Stable, Rigid Stable, Comfortable, Boring Fiscally responsible, Frugal,, stingy Friendly, Nice, Niave Big Imagination -> Telling Fairy Tales -> Lying

Oneword reframing exercise

Percieve from different model of world, by taking a second position

Models of the world - Seek first to understand. Three perspectives

  • My frame/model
  • Other persons frame/model
  • Objective observers model.

3: Chunking

Changing the specificity of a thought,

  • Down -> More Specific
  • Up -> More abstract
  • Lateral -> Analogy

Chunking Down

I’m Ugly;

  • I -> Nostral, arm, legs?
  • Ugly -> to mom? to self? to indian women?

Learning Disabled? Learning -> Inputting, Storing, Repredocing

Failure -> Goal Setting, Planning, Execution

Chunking Up

  • By going up, we see if it’s as bad and, if we can find something better to chunk down to.

    Chunking Laterally

  • By finding an analogy, we compare to the new analogy, to better understand the current statement.

    Finding Iso Morphisims

  • 3 folks A,B,C
  • A tells B, C a problem where they want help
  • B and C try to find the critical elements
  • B and C come up with a metaphor for the critical element and B tells A.
    • Sample metaphors: Fantasy, Sports, War, Folks Tales, star trek.

      Puncuation and Repruncutation

  • Framing is the puctuation of objective reality into our subjective reality.
  • See great examples from book that,that,is - with comma’s periods and question marks

4: Values and Criteria

Structure of meaning

Story of castle under seige, in defiance, the folks in the castle starving catupult all thier food out. People seiging, already demoralized since out of supplies interpertt food as a taunt that they can last forever and go home.

Values and motivation

Values - the reasons you get out of bed. Filter over which you see objective reality. People who value fun, ask how much fun is in something. Also, goals usually indicate values. Goal is build product, probably value creating new things.

Criteria and Judgement

Value -> what we desire and want Criteria -> standard/evidence we use to make decisions.

Chaining value and Criteria by

Criteria Equivelance

Chunking Down to Define

Reality Strategies

Reality Startegy Exercise

Chunk up to identify and utilize

Heirarchy of value and criteria

Heirarchy of criteria technique

5: Belief and Expectations

6: Basic Structure of Beliefs

7: Internal States and Natural Belief change

8: Thought Viruses and meta structure of belief

9: Applying the patterns as a system.

10: Conclusion

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