Coaching is not giving advice, it’s helping others solve their own problems. Use the following questions and approaches to help folks find their own solutions and insights.
- Ask these 7 questions to coach
- How to coach for task completion vs insight
- How to coach to build strategic insight
- How to keep people safe while coaching using human safety models
- Soften your coaching: How Can I help
- Deflecting the desire for you to solve their problem: How would you handle this
- Saying No: Say yes slowly
- Fantastic video on coaching, improvement, and discomfort
Ask these 7 questions to coach
- Open: What’s on your mind?
- Expand: What Else?
- Focus Problem: What’s the real challenge here for you?
- Focus Need: What do you want?
- Do not ask why, it makes people defensive - you’re question their ability by asking why.
- Want vs Need
- Focus Request: How can I help?
- Focus Trade off: If you say yes to this, what will you have to say no to?
- Omission - automatic no
- Commission - what you must deliberately give up to make it happen (relationships/projects/)
- Close the loop: What was most useful for you in this conversation?
How to coach for task completion vs insight
- P: Project - Immediate task
- P: People - Relationship
- PC: Pattern - Help person get better.
How to coach to build strategic insight
- What does success mean?
- What is our scope (who/where)
- What will be our differentiator/moat here?
- What capabilities/assets will need to achieve this?
- How do we measure success and provide feedback?
How to keep people safe while coaching using human safety models
- Tribe: Tribe, ‘us’ vs ‘them’ - be us.
- Certainty: People dislike ambiguity/uncertainty.
- Rank: Do I move up or down the social ladder
- Autonomy: I have control
SCARF - More details in Search inside yourself - Leadership and social skills
- Status: Where am I in the pecking order
- BUILD: Give credit, and feedback, ups peoples status
- Certainty: Do I know what what’s going on.
- Build: removing ambiguity, and giving people certainty on things that matter.
- Autonomy: Do I have control over the situation?
- Build: making clear it’s people’s choice, not yours.
- Relatedness: Is other person friend or foe.
- Build: by taking time to know people.
- Build: making clear that you’re being fair.
Soften your coaching: How Can I help
- Out of curiosity
- Just so I know
- To help my understand better
- To make sure I’m clear
SCARF Model: Fairness People will injure themselves to ensure fairness.
Deflecting the desire for you to solve their problem: How would you handle this
Great question, I have some ideas, but first, how would you tackle this? What else?
Saying No: Say yes slowly
- Why are you asking me?
- Whom else have you asked?
- What you say urgent what do you mean?
- What does done mean?
- If I could only do one part, what part would you have me do?
- What do you recommend I take off my plate to get this done?want done?
- If you still have to say no Make sure you’re saying no to task, no to person.